Pet Peeve

I don't think it's a good idea that after I've been inactive in my blog for so long to have my first post back be something negative, but I need a good rant.

Something that really ticks me off is when I don't like a certain person. Especially when I see this person all the time. I don't like not getting along with people, but how can I when they are.. let me just get it out - annoying?

I try to get along with everyone I meet - find the good in everyone. But some people have personalities that mine doesn't mesh with.

And what ticks me off even more is when these people see that I am not particularly warmed up to them and they try so hard to get me to like them. They compliment me all the time, try to chat with me, offer to do things for me.

The best way for me to like you is to go away - that might have been a little too harsh, right?

I need space, and space is the opposite of what you're giving me. I need breathing room.

And I have no breathing room right now - so to speak.

I know this is not like me at all - but in a way it is. And if you were inside my head this would all make much more sense, but alas, you are not me, you are you. So be you - somewhere else.

*This week has not been good.

Rhymes with "dears"

Let's talk about fears. I have many. And I feel like they keep me from doing many things.

Clowns, sharks, failure, rejection, heights, falling, pain, disappointment, large crowds, needles, darkness.

I feel like in the past week, though, everyone has been talking about their fears, or getting over them. And then this week's topic in bible study was "Fear and Trembling". So, maybe I'm supposed to be listening, right? So that's what I do, right? Wrong. Lindsey never listens.

Here's all these bible verses that I can read and find peace in, but do I? Nope, I sure don't.

• Proverbs 3:24
• Isaiah 51:7
• Mark 5:36
• Matthew 10:31
• Isaiah 12:2
• Psalm 56:3

But I never pay attention because I have to do everything the hard way. I have to be in control.

Well, here it goes.... this is Lindsey listening to God.

Moments.

I live for the moments in my life when I am completely and utterly at ease and so carefree. I live for the excitement of speeding down a back country road on a summer night, with the windows down and the stereo blasting. I live for the moments when I'm sitting in the passenger seat of my best friend's car drinking an Island Fever smoothie, sitting at the end of her road in the empty cul-de-sac and having deep conversations to silly nothing-makes-sense giggling fits. I remember the moments in my childhood and the memories I have that I wouldn't trade for anything in the world. Going to the hunt club with my dad just so I could climb trees with the older boys who were like my brothers. Catching fifteen caterpillars in a plastic cup and scaring my mom to death by bringing them all inside. Running around in the backyard with my dogs. Pretending I was a mermaid every time I swam in the pool.

Priceless memories are saved in a special folder forever in my brain, that I take out every now and then to reminisce upon.

My high school days were a blast thanks to some very special people who helped me through my worst times and laughed with my at my best. Doing donuts in the driver's ed parking lot, endless laughter fits in the drama prop room, nights spent eating raw cookie dough and staying up until 3 in the morning watching The Princess Bride and Steel Magnolias with my girls. Private jokes shared between me and my family members. These are the moments I live for.

Crying releases Endorphins

Whenever I'm really upset or angry or sad about anything, the best way for me to handle it is to put in my headphones, listen to some really depressing songs and cry. This always helps me. Some people seek therapy, some scream into a pillow, some pop bubble wrap - I drown out the world.

I do this for two reasons:

1. Crying releases endorphins (which make you happy) and so after I'm done I feel so much better.

and

2. Whenever my headphones are in I don't concentrate on ANYTHING else but what's coming into my ears. It's just me and the music. This is why I have such a hard time listening to music while I'm doing homework - because I can never concentrate on anything but the music. I'm transformed. I dissolve into another world where it's only me and my iPod. I am invincible.

That might sound corny, but it's the only way I know to describe it.

I have a special playlist on my iPod for when I need a good cry. It's only a few songs, because it really takes a lot to make me cry. But if anyone ever needs a good cry to let out frustration, anger, sadness, or anything - these are the songs that do it for me:

When I Look At You - Miley Cyrus

Rootless Tree - Damien Rice

Ellsworth - Rascal Flatts

What Hurts the Most - Rascal Flatts

Leave - The Swell Season

Walk a Little Straighter - Billy Currington

The House that Built Me - Miranda Lambert

So Close - Jon McLaughlin

Jezebel - Iron and Wine

Just a Dream - Carrie Underwood

I just found this video today. I made it last summer. I was (am) such a cheesehead!

Freshman vs. Sophomore

I remember my first weekend on campus like it was yesterday. Well, technically it was my second because the FIRST weekend I was doing all that crazy New Lancer Days stuff (but I don't count that).

I remember my first weekend being really boring. I didn't know anyone that well, and the people I did know, I didn't want to bug them by asking them to do stuff with me, so I sat in my room like a loser and got on Facebook or Tumblr or watched movies.

But THIS year, I had the BUSIEST weekend. I was not in my room before six o'clock at night Friday, Saturday, or Sunday. I was going, going, going, all day long and it was glorious! I missed all of my friends over the summer and spending all day long with them for two days was amazing!

I love college.

Jesus wept

She sits on a cold, dirty linoleum floor sobbing for her lost loved one. Tears stain her cheeks and shirt. Feeling so out of control she waits for the feeling to subside, but it does not. In walks one angel, wearing a black shirt and jeans, she sits down beside her and gently strokes her hair, comforting her, silently saying everything will be alright. In walks two more angels, their eyes full of sympathy and understanding. Both kneel down to her, one sitting next to her, patting her arm, the other at her feet. After an hour of tears and corny jokes, laughter and songs, the girl realizes that even when she is broken in a million little pieces that every tear falls for a reason, and that there is beauty in the breaking a young heart.

Mac-uum.

My puppy, Mac. Got him when I was two and had to let him go when I was eighteen. Today, while driving home I starting thinking about him and the last day I saw him alive. Both of his back legs were broken, yet he lay in the laundry basket silent and unmoving. The strangest thing was he wasn't wimpering - only when he moved - or shaking, or freaking out at all. He was peaceful while I stroked him crying and telling him everything would be okay.

He was my baby, and tonight in the car I silently talked to him, telling him I missed him and that I loved him.

It's strange how humans and animals can bond - cats, dogs, horses; the works. Well, Mac was my buddy and even though it's been over a year, his collar still hangs on my bedpost like it has since the night he died and every now and then, after being away from home for a while I'll slip up and say "Yeah, I'm going to get to see my family and my dog," but he won't be there. It's just a big change going from having him by my side for sixteen years and then to not having a pet at all.

Just this side of heaven is a place called Rainbow Bridge.

When an animal dies that has been especially close to someone here, that pet goes to Rainbow Bridge.

There are meadows and hills for all of our special friends so they can run and play together.

There is plenty of food, water and sunshine, and our friends are warm and comfortable.

All the animals who had been ill and old are restored to health and vigor; those who were hurt or maimed are made whole and strong again, just as we remember them in our dreams of days and times gone by.

The animals are happy and content, except for one small thing; they each miss someone very special to them, who had to be left behind.

They all run and play together, but the day comes when one suddenly stops and looks into the distance. His bright eyes are intent; His eager body quivers. Suddenly he begins to run from the group, flying over the green grass, his legs carrying him faster and faster.

You have been spotted, and when you and your special friend finally meet, you cling together in joyous reunion, never to be parted again. The happy kisses rain upon your face; your hands again caress the beloved head, and you look once more into the trusting eyes of your pet, so long gone from your life but never absent from your heart.

Then you cross Rainbow Bridge together....

- Author Unknown

Journal Entry

This new inspiration journal has really brought out my creative side. I cut, paste, draw, and write more than I ever have and I love it (:

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Today for me a great day. I woke up, internet-ed for a little while and then went to Target and spent some money. After leaving with my venti iced chai tea from Starbucks (couldn't help myself) my aunt called and asked me if I wanted to earn some money (and who doesn't?). So I went to the house they rent out and washed the walls in the living room and the windows in the living room and kitchen, because tenants apparently don't know how to clean. But I earned some money and spent some time with my aunt and Nana so it was a good day (:

Simplistic Living

Two posts in one day, I'm on a roll.

The idea of living in a yurt sounds so appealing to me. And maybe not all the time, but as a get away house, maybe a safe house if I ever choose to take up a life of crime (joke). It's just so rustic and simple. No electricity (but there is plumbing, thank goodness).

I can just picture myself sitting outside my little hut with a steaming cup of tea in my hand reading books and at night, just watching the stars and moon while breathing in deeply and exhaling silent prayers. It sounds very relaxing. Of course, if I ever did live in a yurt, I'd have to venture into civilization every once in a while to update this blog.