Dear Diary, It's Me... Lindsey

Yesterday, Jordan and I went to Walmart because I needed a container for my junk that needs to be moved out of my room. I went in, bought the container, a pink journal, and sharpie pens.

I always try to start journals and never get past a few pages in them. But I feel as a college student that my days must be documented. And while, yes, I have this blog, some things a girl has to keep hidden from the rest of the world.

While typing is always easier than writing a few pages (because of the hand cramps, etc) it's so impersonal. I used to keep a virtual diary. I prettied it up with cute fonts and different colored text, little heart symbols and smiley faces; but in time that fell by the wayside and I ended up deleting the folder from my computer.

But now, I'm making it my goal to write in my journal every day. I guess I've always been too busy, or too lazy to write. But with everything going on in my life and with me spending a summer away from my dearest friends I will need my journal as my confidant.

I wrote three pages today and it felt good. I wrote about my deepest desires and how Thursday will be bittersweet goodbye for me. Having to leave my home for the last 9 months is going to be very hard, and I imagine I might cry.

I've grown so much this past year in my maturity, my faith, my academics, and my social life and I owe it all to God, Longwood, and my college friends, no.. my college family.

Going back to Richmond will be a challenge. I know at one point or another I will want to turn the car around and come back only wanting to stay one more night. I've grown attached to this place. It's my home.

Would you like a Popsicle?

Tonight at BCM we went out on campus and gave Popsicles to students. And while, yes, I am a friendly person and I love meeting new people and greeting them, it's hard to do it outside my safe-zone. BCM is my safe-zone, my church is my safe-zone, my house is my safe-zone, being surrounded by my Christian friends is a safe-zone for me. I will greet anyone and everyone in my safe zone, but when I'm outside of my safe-zone it's difficult. And tonight, walking into Stubbs dormitory and handing out Popsicles to girls whom I've never met was terrifying for me. I was shaking the entire time.

And then tonight, when Dan spoke, it really hit home with everything. He said something about how when Jesus was on the cross everyone was yelling out "Crucify!" How betrayed He must have felt. And I thought about how no one stood up for Him. No one ran up and yelled, "Stop!" (Yes, he was sent to die for us, but still...)

That's what we were put on this earth to do - stand up for Him.

I am guilty of not standing up for my God. I stay in my little bubble because it's safe and I can keep my feelings and thought private, where they won't be scrutinized. But that's not what God wants. He wants us to shout out his name to non-believers so that we may aid in their walk with him.

It will be hard, scary, and sometimes awkward, but the satisfaction afterwards is so overwhelming that you're working for God. And that's how I want to feel everyday, that no matter what I do, or think, or say, I'm working for my God.

Time.. where did you go?

It was hot and sticky and I was sweating, which is something I don't mind, if I didn't have to look presentable... and on a first day of school it's nice to look presentable.

New lancer days were boring and repetitive of course, but every Longwood student must endure them. Lecture after lecture and the stress of getting a room with three roommates just right occupied my first weekend at Longwood.

And now, it's my last month. I reflect on the past school year and realize that it was incredibly short, shorter than I ever imagined and I feel an ache in my heart for the months lost. Well, not lost, but gone. Now I understand why everyone tells me to enjoy it while it lasts, because it did not last long at all.

Yes, there were times when I wanted to speed up time, or skip ahead a few weeks. Yes, there were times when I wanted to quit and go home, but now I wish I could go back and relive those experiences because I knew soon they would be gone.

The thought of going home is actually scary for me. I like going home on the weekends and seeing my family, spending time with my friends, but I've always been happy to come back on Sundays. It was a nice routine.

Maybe the summer won't be so bad because I'll be extremely busy with work, camp, the beach, and going to NYC, maybe.

I feel like this is a bad way to end my post, but I really have nothing left to say. Well, actually, I do but I'll save it for another time.