Whine Time

I've been in a seriously messed up funk for the past week. I've been grumpy and moody and I'm pretty sure my friends don't want to be around me. I can't shake it. There have been moments when I'm with my friends and I'm laughing and stuff, and then I just get back to my room and sulk. I'm in serious need of an "attitude adjustment" as my dad would say when I was little and would give him backtalk or just be an annoying kid, but I just don't know why I can't shake this mood.

I just need to go home.

Things I need over Spring Break:

1. NOT do any homework of any kind.

2. Cuddle on the couch with my puppy.

3. SEE MY FREAKING BESTFRIEND!

4. Watch I Love You, Man with my bestfriend.

5. Go to the TT Lounge and get a freaking Boba.

6. Sleep in, e'ryday.

7. Take a really long drive by myself in my car all over Varina at night with the windows down and music blaring, LOUD.

Thank goodness Spring Break starts in twelve days!

Tonight I Took a Trip to NYC

After dinner, I took a quick three minute trip back to Bowery Mission in New York City. It was spontaneous and most unplanned, but there I went, off on my own. No air fair, no taxi, no car, no bus, just me, myself, I, and Christy Nockels.

I believe in a previous post I mentioned that in May of 2010 I sang the song Healing is in Your Hands by Christy Nockels as a solo during chapel at the mission and tonight Jordan, Anne, and I were messing around, singing at the BCM building and this song started to play.

I promptly trotted up on the stage and belted it out. As most people could tell I've had a somewhat less than smooth sailing week and really needed some time to just sing and get everything that's been weighing on me off my shoulders. And it really helped a lot. For three glorious minutes I was back, sitting in a hot and stuffy chapel behind a pulpit in front of a hundred people I called strangers. For three wonderful minutes I was shaking in my boots (figuratively, of course, as I was barefoot tonight) because I was so scared. And for three amazing minutes I was looking at the faces of these men who I would soon call some of my closest friends.

It's so completely crazy how something that most people would find as insignificant as a song can take you back to another world that you never even dreamed existed.

To be perfectly honest, I was terrified when I stepped foot into the Bowery Mission building. I was terrified when I read on the bunk beds that the rats were the size of my head. I was terrified when I saw all the people I'd be singing alone in front of. But when I finished the song, I was no longer afraid. I had this amazing rush of calm - and of blood to the head because everyone was clapping and I was blushing.

And tonight I went there for the millionth time in my mind. There was Javi sitting in the front row cheering me on. There was LeShane in the back of the chapel, laughing it up with some guys, and bobbing his head back and forth as our group lead Ain't No Rock. There was Ali clapping his hands and yelling the occasional, "Amen!" There was Israel, quiet and content as ever in his third row seat.

And then I opened my eyes and I was in Farmville, Virginia. How quickly something wonderful can fade away.

Tuesday Ten

So, when I posted that last post I had completely forgotten that I originally came on here to post my Tuesday Ten!

Ten Reasons I Love College

1. Independence: No more asking mommy and daddy if I can go out with my friends. No more telling the parents when I'll be back home, where I'm going, and more importantly, no more nagging about my homework.
2. Friends: It's very strange that you keep in touch with people you went to college with more than the people you went to high school with? Why is that? You're in school with them for the same amount of time. Four years. Maybe five or six depending on your degree. Maybe it's just that you're more mature/you know how to pick good friends in college. But I'm so thankful for all of mine on this campus and I know that when we part ways on that fateful day in May, our paths will cross again... and again, and again.. (:
3. Professors: They're just cooler than high school teachers. Except for Ms. Stains. She's still the best English teacher in the world. Although, Dr. Tracy and Gena Southall do come close.
4. Dorms: They're a nice experience for your underclassmen years. You get to room with someone you don't know your first year (unless you were lucky enough to find a friend to room with) and have your fights/long talks/awkward silences. And then find a really good friend to room with you your second year so that the first year doesn't need to be repeated.
5. Apartments: So you can feel like a real adult before you actually are pushed out into the world.
6. Going home on the weekends: The "Varina" sign never looked better. It's nice being away after a long time and sleeping in my bed.
7. Going back to school after the weekend at home: Because a weekend is the perfect amount of time to see your family, catch up on sleep, and use mom and dad's credit card for clothes and stock up on food. Then it's back to your home away from home.
8. Sports: For some reason college sports are just better than high school. The atmosphere is better, not to mention the Lancer Lunatics make the games so much better!
9. Food: Having Moe's and Chick-Fil-A within walking distance to my room is a good and a bad thing. My bonus dollars go way down before I've even noticed it, but I get yummy yummy food. (:
10. The Heath and Fitness Center: Not that I ever really use it, but I'm always glad I have the option to use it. Although, Jordan, Ashley, and I did go to the gym yesterday and we're also going tomorrow. So hopefully it will be put to good use.

New Addition

This past weekend I went home and we got a puppy! After three days of not being able to find a name we finally named him Gunner! He's a six week old German Shepherd puppy and he's perfect. I love him. Here, friends, have some pictures!

Tuesday Ten

I've done this before and I'll do it again.

As most people know, music means a lot to me and so when I get a chance to talk about it, I take it!

Ten songs I'm currently in love with (in no particular order).

1. Siempre Tu - Diego Boneta : I heard this for the first time on Pretty Little Liars and it's just so catchy and saucy that I love it. A good dance song (:
2. Dela (I Know Why the Dog Howls At the Moon) - Johnny Clegg : This is the song from George of the Jungle and I've been looking for it for years, and I finally found it. It's just a good song. I can't help but love it.
3. Club Can't Handle Me (Cover) - Tyler Ward : I like the original, but I find this cover to be so much better! Not to mention Cobus and Tyler are so attractive.
4. White Blank Page - Mumford & Sons : I'm sorry to bother you, but would you kindly click on the link and listen to 1:15? DO YOU HEAR THAT FREAKING INSTRUMENTAL? My heart leaps for joy. I don't know what it is about the sound of a banjo, but it really pulls it all together.
5. Violin - Amos Lee : I've loved Amos Lee since... well, forever. This is my new obsession, this song.
6. Cars, Money, and Fame - Timeflies : I heard this on someone's Tumblr page and then had to get it. It's just a fun song. It's a good song to roll the windows down and drive to.
7. Maybe - Everly : Thanks to one Jordan Spiers, I was introduced to Bethany Joy Galeotti and her band Everly. And of course, this song came along and I can't help but sing along when I hear this.
8. You Are the Moon - The Hush Sound : Just a really pretty song I heard Cailin sing while Jonathan played piano one night and fell in love with it.
9. Better Today - Coffey Anderson : Number one, it's Coffey Anderson. Number two, it's such a beautiful song!
10. Both Sides Now - Joni Mitchell : Love Actually is the reason I'm in love with this song.

It's official!

As of Monday evening it was official that beginning in August 2011 I will be living in an apartment with my two friends Jordan and Anne.

I love these girls to death and would do anything for them. We three have grown so close over the course of the semester and to live together next year will be amazing! We three LOVE to sing and so I know that spontaneous karaoke nights/days/mornings/any-times will occur frequently. Anne will cook her buffalo (crack) dip and Jordan will cook her Mexican dip and I'll make my oreo truffles and we'll gain ten pounds each and be happy together singing our show tunes and watching One Tree Hill, Gilmore Girls, and Pretty Little Liars.

It'll pretty much be like having a girls' sleepover every night. Except no tickle fights; we're not into that unless Rosita's around. ;) ahahaha. She's the most ticklish person I know!

And of course, Justin informed us tonight that he's making himself a cot in a corner of our apartment and camping out, especially if he cook him food. Well, Justin, make yourself at home because our apartment is going to be EPIC.

Happy Single Awareness Day!

As the dreaded February 14th draws closer, couples are beginning to be more couple-y, making plans behind each others' backs for how they'll spend their glorious evenings, while I, as single as ever try not to puke while listening.

But in all seriousness, I love watching couples because while most times it does make me ridiculously aware that I am single and I won't have that on Valentine's day; it gives me hope that my guy is out there and I will not only have that kind of love on Valentine's day, but every day. It's a nice kind of hope, a hope that lingers as their cute lovey butts walk away holding hands and holding each other.

So while most single people cringe at couples, I smile.

Sometimes.... aha.

Healing is in Your Hands

No mountain, no valley, no gain or loss we know
could keep us from Your love
No sickness, no secret, no chain is strong enough
to keep us from Your love
to keep us from Your love

How high, how wide
No matter where I am, healing is in Your hands
How deep, How strong,
And now by Your grace I stand, healing is in Your hands

Our present, our future, our past is in Your hands
We're covered by Your blood
We're covered by Your blood

How high, how wide
No matter where I am, healing is in Your hands
How deep, How strong,
And now by Your grace I stand, healing is in Your hands

In all things we know that
we are more than conquerors
You keep us by Your love

In all things we know that
we are more than conquerors
You keep us by Your love

How high, how wide, Oh Lord!
No matter where I am, healing is in Your hands
How deep, how deep is Your love,
How strong, how strong is Your love,
And now by Your grace I stand, healing is in Your hands

-Christy Nockels

--

Last May I sang this song at the Bowery Mission in New York City, in front of 100 people I'd never met before but shared something incredible with, God.

It was this song that bonded me with one of my good friends and it was this song that truly touched my heart before, during, and after that moment I sang it. I cannot listen to this song now without thinking of Bowery and all the wonderful times spent there.

However with the happy comes the sad. I miss that wonderful place oh so much, and the people even more. It's a second home, a safe haven, and a beautiful shelter. And I've learned more about myself and many other people just by visiting this place only twice.

There's a fine line between enough and too much

There's always a hint of uneasiness in the air whenever underage people are at a party with alcohol. Should I drink or not? Maybe just a sip? Am I D.D.-ing tonight for any of my friends? How will I get home if I drink? If I have one beer I'll be fine in two hours, right? Will my friends judge me if I drink? Will they judge me if I don't?

I think the pressure we (..or kids) put on ourselves (themselves) is more than the pressure from other people. You hear all the time about how kids pressure each other into drinking, but for me that's never been the case. I've NEVER felt pressured to drink. None of my friends ever told me I wasn't cool enough because I didn't drink. It was always an offer, and if I didn't accept they just carried on with our conversation. That could be also because I've chosen good friends, the kind who I know are kind enough not to try to pressure me into doing anything I wouldn't want to do. And I'm thankful for that.

Obsession Confession

Yesterday, I mentioned that music is one of my obsessions. I use it constantly in my life to help me through situations both good and bad. I use it as a means of advice and as a common friend through the hard times. Well, tonight I thought I'd confess another obsession that I see as sometimes a bad thing.

I love jewelry. I have so much jewelry (most that I don't even wear) and almost every time I go to the store I buy more and more. I search online for new stuff all the time. I make it too when I'm not busy lazy.

Today, I felt a little ashamed, because I lust after jewelry so much. In my History 221 class, my professor was talking about the Quakers and how they wore no adornments, nothing at all to distract them from God. And I just sat there going, "Man, that must've sucked."

It's so ridiculous how addicted to jewelry I am. Some women go to the store and buy a pair of shoes, some buy a purse, some buy clothes; I buy jewelry.

iLove

Words really cannot describe how much I love music. Ever since I could talk I've been singing. I sing all the time - ask my roommate, my friends, and my family. I went from singing The Little Mermaid to pop and country and R&B and praise and worship songs. My iTunes is probably the most precious icon on my computer - and probably the most used. My iPod is never far from me, and there's always a song stuck in my head.

There's not way for me to avoid how corny the next paragraph or so will sound, so I might as well come out with it...

Music makes my soul soar. The first thing I do, when I'm having a bad day is put my iPod in, or crank up the tunes in my room. Yes, ranting and crying helps to some degree, but nothing will ever satisfy like listening and singing along with Brendan James or John Mayer. When I'm alone with my music, I enter a world where I can either be the audience or the performer. Usually, I'm the performer.

Singing along with music is a stronghold that I hang on to religiously. It just makes me feel good. And anyone that I find that loves music as much as I do, I cling to for dear life. I have a good friend who once aspired to be a musician, and he still does, even if he doesn't pursue it as much as he used to, and he shares with me all the stories from his ventures and I drink them in until I can't anymore. I have some friends who actually tour and share their songs (*cough* Andra Moran and Stephen King *cough*) and I completely idolize them because of their courage to pursue a dream and their dedication to keep going.

Tonight I talked with some friends about helping me record an album. Because of my lack of funds it will be nowhere near studio produced, but it's a start.

Inspiration board

This is my inspiration board in my room. Any cool pictures or notes that I get go straight up there.

1. A post it I found on my desk one day from my wonderful roommate, Mary. It says, "Thank you for being you!" She's awesome.

2. A card from my mom that I got in a care-package on Tuesday. She's the greatest!

3. A quote I found online and printed out. It reads, " Struggles are required in order to survive in life because in order to stand up you have to know what falling down is like."

4. A post it Janice left on my desk last semester. It says, "Lindsey, I love our special one on one times spent being friends." She's in Spain this semester and I miss her like crazy! I love looking at this and remembering that at one point we were friends (joke - we still are!).

5. A picture from my sophomore year of high school at a football game. It's really old, but I still love it! It's got my bestfriend Gentry in it, along with my friends Melissa, Caitlyn, and Jessie.

6. A strip of pictures of me and Caitlyn that we had taken in a photobooth one time when we went to the movies!

7. One of my favorite bible verses that I copied on an index card. It's Psalm 119:10 - "I seek You with all my heart. Do not let me stray from Your commands."

8. I found this recently when I was going through folders from my senior year of high school. My AP Biology teacher, Ms. Weening gave our class cards with these bookmarks in them. They read, "Be the change you wish to see in the world," which coincidentally is one of my favorite quotes.

9. This is the first dropping I've ever found. It's from Princeps, a secret society for leadership on my college's campus. It's really awesome when you find these kind of things. (:

10. An uplifting page from the girls in my bible study last semester. I got really close to all these girls and love them all! I really don't know what I'd do without my weekly girl bible study fix!

11. A note from one Rachael Hayden to me. She took my notebook from me one night at dinner and wrote me this message, I'd forgotten she'd written me this until I was recently looking back through my notes. I love finding things that I'd forgotten about!

Giraffes

I am obsessed with giraffes. Anyone who knows me at all knows that I absolutely love giraffes. It’s been that way since I was in elementary school. I’ve always loved how tall they were, not to mention how cute they are! These are just four, of the many giraffe things that I own.

There are two giraffe stuffed animals. The lighter of the two I got for my birthday one year, and the darker more distinctive one my brother won for me in a crane machine. Then, the giraffe bookmark I got from my aunt in a card she sent me when I came back to school. And I bought the giraffe pen from the Richmond zoo when I went two summers ago.

Anytime I see something giraffe, I freak out and I love that my friends always point out giraffes to me. (:

Tuesday Ten

What do you know it's Tuesday, and time for the Tuesday Ten!

Did I remember I was doing the Tuesday Ten? Nope, not until I just reread through my blog again. :P That's just like me to forget something, again.

This is coming a little late, but today's ten is ten things I want for this year.

1. Record a CD of me singing. Some of my friends have been asking for me to make them a CD and so this year (hopefully by May, because most of them are graduating) I will make one for them all to burn.
2. Get back to Bowery. I miss those guys, and I don't want to wait another minute until I go back.
3. Make Dean's list. It doesn't matter if it's this semester or next, I just want to have that seven on my door from Princeps signifying that I had at least a 3.5 or better GPA for the semester.
4. Find a Chi Dropping. I've found one Princeps dropping my whole time at Longwood, and yes, I have seven Chi Droppings, but none of those I found. They've all been pass downs. My roommate, on the other hand has found six or seven Chi Droppings all on her own. Maybe this year I'll find my first one!
5. Be more patient. I find that I am becoming more patient this past semester and it's feeling pretty good. I'm hoping to keep it up.
6. Sell a dress! I just recently got hired at Caryn's Bridal and on my first day I didn't sell a thing, but hopefully I will be able to sell a dress soon! (: I have high hopes for this one.
7. Get more than fifty pages into a novel. I write all the time, but I never get past fifty pages. It's like my brain goes, "Oh, fifty pages? WRITER'S BLOCK!" I've started so many, too many, and never finished them. But hopefully I can get past the curse of the fiftieth page this year.
8. Learn to cook. Okay, actually, I can cook. Let me put it this way, learn to love cooking. I don't like cooking because I don't have to patience for it. But hey, maybe since I've been working on my patience, I can try cooking again. If it's not instant, I don't cook it. So maybe once I move into my apartment in August, I can start trying out some recipes.
9. Start saving money for a new car. Yes, I know that me getting a new car is a far off dream, that's why I'm saving up now.
10. Stop drinking so much soda. 'Nuff said.