Rhymes with "dears"

Let's talk about fears. I have many. And I feel like they keep me from doing many things.

Clowns, sharks, failure, rejection, heights, falling, pain, disappointment, large crowds, needles, darkness.

I feel like in the past week, though, everyone has been talking about their fears, or getting over them. And then this week's topic in bible study was "Fear and Trembling". So, maybe I'm supposed to be listening, right? So that's what I do, right? Wrong. Lindsey never listens.

Here's all these bible verses that I can read and find peace in, but do I? Nope, I sure don't.

• Proverbs 3:24
• Isaiah 51:7
• Mark 5:36
• Matthew 10:31
• Isaiah 12:2
• Psalm 56:3

But I never pay attention because I have to do everything the hard way. I have to be in control.

Well, here it goes.... this is Lindsey listening to God.

Moments.

I live for the moments in my life when I am completely and utterly at ease and so carefree. I live for the excitement of speeding down a back country road on a summer night, with the windows down and the stereo blasting. I live for the moments when I'm sitting in the passenger seat of my best friend's car drinking an Island Fever smoothie, sitting at the end of her road in the empty cul-de-sac and having deep conversations to silly nothing-makes-sense giggling fits. I remember the moments in my childhood and the memories I have that I wouldn't trade for anything in the world. Going to the hunt club with my dad just so I could climb trees with the older boys who were like my brothers. Catching fifteen caterpillars in a plastic cup and scaring my mom to death by bringing them all inside. Running around in the backyard with my dogs. Pretending I was a mermaid every time I swam in the pool.

Priceless memories are saved in a special folder forever in my brain, that I take out every now and then to reminisce upon.

My high school days were a blast thanks to some very special people who helped me through my worst times and laughed with my at my best. Doing donuts in the driver's ed parking lot, endless laughter fits in the drama prop room, nights spent eating raw cookie dough and staying up until 3 in the morning watching The Princess Bride and Steel Magnolias with my girls. Private jokes shared between me and my family members. These are the moments I live for.

Crying releases Endorphins

Whenever I'm really upset or angry or sad about anything, the best way for me to handle it is to put in my headphones, listen to some really depressing songs and cry. This always helps me. Some people seek therapy, some scream into a pillow, some pop bubble wrap - I drown out the world.

I do this for two reasons:

1. Crying releases endorphins (which make you happy) and so after I'm done I feel so much better.

and

2. Whenever my headphones are in I don't concentrate on ANYTHING else but what's coming into my ears. It's just me and the music. This is why I have such a hard time listening to music while I'm doing homework - because I can never concentrate on anything but the music. I'm transformed. I dissolve into another world where it's only me and my iPod. I am invincible.

That might sound corny, but it's the only way I know to describe it.

I have a special playlist on my iPod for when I need a good cry. It's only a few songs, because it really takes a lot to make me cry. But if anyone ever needs a good cry to let out frustration, anger, sadness, or anything - these are the songs that do it for me:

When I Look At You - Miley Cyrus

Rootless Tree - Damien Rice

Ellsworth - Rascal Flatts

What Hurts the Most - Rascal Flatts

Leave - The Swell Season

Walk a Little Straighter - Billy Currington

The House that Built Me - Miranda Lambert

So Close - Jon McLaughlin

Jezebel - Iron and Wine

Just a Dream - Carrie Underwood