Cow Tippin 2010

Discipleship Now weekend was absolutely amazing. It was my first time every going and I loved every minute of it. You know, except for the part when we forgot the right turn and got lost in the boonies.

Weekends like these always put me in a spiritual high and I come back feeling refreshed and strong in my faith. I love that. And I'm going to try my hardest not to let this high go. I've really been thinking lately about how far I've come in my faith. I've always loved God and I grew up in the church, but high school was when I really started getting into the nitty gritty of spirituality. But this past year I've had more tests of faith and I've grown more in my faith and I've walked farther in my walk with God than I ever did my entire four years of high school.

And I love what he's done in my life. I give him praise everyday for always being there for me. And I thank him so very much for giving me the opportunity to go to D.Now this past weekend. I made so many new relationships. I grew so close with many people and I'm thankful that God put those people in my life, because Christian fellowship is the next best thing to God's presence.

This past weekend consisted of:

• counseling three amazing girls who are going to flourish in life, even if they don't know it yet
• building relationships with people who I will never ever forget
• reaching out to others and stepping outside my comfort zone to touch their lives
• watching people drink blended up mcdonalds happy meals
• watching "flour power" game (ahaha)
• catching kajobi on film (epic)
• falling in love with worship all over again

I am so thankful for this past weekend and I cannot wait to do it again next year! (:

I'm So Happy I Could Cry

Remember when I told you all that my aunt was taking me to see Wicked?! Well, I just talked to my mom and she told me my aunt got four tickets. One for me, her, my mom, and one for a person of my choice. And of course I picked my best friend Gentry! I'm so happy. Gen and I have talked about seeing this since we got the soundtrack and it's just amazing that she can go now! I knew that I would love the show, but it wouldn't be the same without her there. It's like seeing a movie without the person who you said you'd go with, only magnified because it's a BROADWAY show!

Okay, I need to go because I have to write this paper that's due tomorrow. Ooopsie.

Beautiful, Beautiful

Sunlight, burning at midnight, making my life something so beautiful, beautiful. Mercy reaching to save me, all that I need. You are so beautiful, beautiful.

I got Francesca Battistelli's CD about a week ago, but I just tonight started listening to it and it really makes me think. My new favorite songs are Beautiful, Beautiful and Time in Between. There are two beautiful songs.

In Time in Between the first verse goes: You were there when Your Father said let there be light. You obeyed when He whispered Son, You have to leave tonight. To spend nine months in a mother's womb, three days in a borrowed tomb.

These lyrics put the birth of Christ into a whole different perpective for me. I mean when I hear or read, "God sent his only son." I think about God making him in Mary's stomach, but no... Jesus was in heaven and He knew everything that was going to happen to Him, and He willingly came to earth to die for people He didn't know, people who treated Him like a criminal, and people who'd never heard His name, people who hadn't even been born. But because He loved and trusted God so much and because He put all of his trust in God He came to die for us. And that to me is mind-boggling.

I've known this my entire life, but just one song can put it into a whole new perspective, and that's why I think worshiping God through songs is so important.

We All Have Stories to Tell

And we do. Some people have stories to tell, some people have drawings to draw, and some people have songs to sing.

I wrote a song last night after seeing my friend Andra Moran perform at church. I met her two years ago at camp and she's an absolutely amazing person with a beautiful heart and voice.

Her song "Watching the Sky" is my current favorite about how love will find you one day, and how you need to be patient.

Well, that song inspired me and so I wrote my own. I haven't written songs in so long it felt good to get back into writing. I can't even remember why I stopped.. because I didn't have time? Probably. Because I always start but never finish them and I got tired of it? Most likely.

I liked pouring my soul into the songs. I think that's why I always got stuck when I was writing before. I tried to write songs about things I've never experienced before, but writing about how I feel was much easier. I'm not 100% satisfied with the song so I won't post it now. But once I tweak the lyrics and feel more comfortable with it, I will.

Wicked Awesome

*I tried to write this yesterday, but it didn't post for some reason. :P

My mom and aunts were all going to chip in and buy me a ticket, but my mom said since they were so expensive she wasn't going to buy a ticket for herself and sadly my bestfriend wasn't able to go with me, I didn't want to go alone so I just told my family to give me money because I wanted my camera badly and Gen and I would go see Wicked another time.

But then on Wednesday I got a call from my uncle who told me my aunt wants to take me to see Wicked for my birthday! (: I am so excited!

I read the book a few years ago and shortly after I bought the soundtrack. I now know every song by heart and sing it all the time. And of course I will be singing along when I go to the show (not too loudly of course, wouldn't want to disturb the people sitting around me.)

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And as for my lenten goal.. I am paying more attention to people, especially after this VERY stressful week I've had. I cannot tell you how much I zoned out this past week. Thankfully it's over and I'm going home this weekend to see my family and see ANDRA!! (: She's a country/rock/christian singer who is the music leader at camp and she's coming to my church Saturday to play for us. I didn't get to see her this past year at camp so I can't wait. Maybe she and I will do our Banana Dance. Ahaha. Too bad her husband Stephen can't come with her, he's hilarious.

Also, I've decided that while I am taking on a goal for Lent, I will also give something up, biting my nails. It's a dirty habit that I cannot crack. So I'm trying my hardest to stop biting my nails.

Lent

Everyone has been wondering what they were going to give up for Lent. And for the past couple years I never gave up anything. So I went through the list of things I could give up this year and it was the usual soda, chocolate, Facebook, etc. etc. But then I remembered that some people don't "give up" something for Lent, they "take on" something.

And so my Lenten goal is to listen more than I talk (because I talk a lot) and to really listen to the people who talk to me (..sorry Stephen).

So, for the next 40 days carried on for the rest of my life I'll be more attentive and really listen to people.

That sounds good to me.

It's Not Going To Work Out.

The boy with the smile. I like him. I hardly know him, but I like him. He's nice, funny, sweet, and caring. But he's got some things he's dealing with, some emotions he needs to figure out. And so I'm taking myself out of the picture, I hope.

I pray for God to guard my heart, so that I don't give it away so freely.

My Top 25 Most Played Songs on iTunes

1. Kiss On Me by Tyler Hilton (72)
2. When It Comes by Tyler Hilton (55)
3. Defying Gravity by Lea Michelle (44)
4. Wordplay by Jason Mraz (43)
5. Legally Blonde by Laura Bell Bundy (35)
6. Alone by Kristin Chenoweth and Matthew Morrison (34)
7. The Man Who Can't Be Moved by The Script (32)
8. All Over You by The Spill Canvas (31)
9. Manhattan in the Sky by Kate Voegele (30)
10. Letter Song by Tyler Hilton (29)
11. Questions For An Ex-Lover by Love Is A Story (28)
12. Missing You by Tyler Hilton (28)
13. There You'll Be by Faith Hill (27)
14. Broken by Lifehouse (25)
15. Gonna Take You There by Jim Cummings (23)
16. Our Time by Tyler Hilton (23)
17. Karen's Cafe by Bethany Joy Galeotti (21)
18. Free To Be Me by Francesca Battistelli (21)
19. It's My Life/Confessions Mash Up by Glee Cast (21)
20. When I Look At You by Miley Cyrus (21)
21. All I Ask of You from Phantom of the Opera (20)
22. Replay by Iyaz (20)
23. According To You by Oranthi (20)
24. The Seed (2.0) by The Roots (20)
25. Glad by Tyler Hilton (20)
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I had such a busy weekend. I saw both Dear John and Valentine's Day. Dear John was okay, but I didn't like Valentine's Day at all. I cried so much watching Dear John. My thing is... if you've read the book you might like the movie.. might. But if you didn't read the book you'll probably like it. I'm on the fence about it. After the movie was over I said I didn't like it, but if I forget that it's based on a book then I like it, but when I think about how about 90% of the movie didn't follow the book then I get angry. In the words of my bestfriend Gentry, "As a movie, it was good. As a movie based on a book, it wasn't that great."

Keep Your Dreams Alive

I had a really strange dream last night and I really hope it was telling me something about my future. The other day I analyzed my bestfriend's dream, but I cannot analyze my own for some reason. My dream had three parts that I can remember, but the middle part is my favorite and for the whole day I've been thinking about it and if it's a foreshadowing of what is to come.

I kind of wrote my dream down.. embellishing of course and then it turned into a story. The basic story is my dream, but the details I added. (:


I walked to the edge of the concrete and stared into the pool. "I don't see anything," I said. I turned around and he was smiling a devilish smile at me. "Don't you dare," I warned, but I was too late. I was already falling into the pool. While underwater I felt and heard him jump in beside me. When I came to the surface he was laughing, but I couldn't see his face because my hair was in my face. Before I could reach up to wipe it to the side I felt his hands on my face. And I saw his beautiful smiling face as he wiped my hair away from my face.

"I'm sorry," he said smiling, "I couldn't resist." I smiled because his touch felt so soft on my skin, but then I quickly frowned. I wouldn't give him the satisfaction. I splashed him for throwing me in the pool fully clothed. He laughed and pulled me into a hug. As I struggled to get free his hold on me tightened, and as it did it felt... comfortable. I relaxed as he leaned into me. His mouth, right next to my ear whispered "You're beautiful." I looked into his eyes and smiled. He cupped his right hand under my chin and pulled my face toward his. This was it, the moment I'd been waiting for since I'd first seen his gorgeous smile.

Just before our lips touched I hesitated. "Wait," I said.

"What?" he asked.

"What's going on with you and your ex?" I looked at him. The look in his eyes changed. How, I can't say. It wasn't just saddness, it was more like pain. As if his heart were more than broken, but crushed. His hand left my face and his arms let go of me. He backed up a few inches.

"Nothing," he replied.

Clearly, he wasn't over her yet. As hard as it was for me to admit that to myself. This was the man I waited for for so long and the first man I ever took a chance on. He held my heart in the palm of his hand, while she held his in hers.

I ran my fingers over my hair and when walked over to the ladder. Walking back to my condo I saw the ocean in the distance remembering the day I'd spent with him. There was no other word to describe it than perfect.

I didn't look back at him as he said my name. Twice. And it took every will in my body not to turn around. But he never came after me. He stayed in the pool just calling my name. And my heart said, "If he doesn't fight for you, don't fight for him."

Don't Let It Get To You

Yesterday someone spoke against everything I believe in. They mocked me and put me down.

And today I'm still having a hard time with it.

It bothers me so much, and I know everyone is entitled to their own opinions but to be a complete jerk about it is not the right way to go.

They called me ignorant.

I cannot fathom how selfish someone could be to put down another's every belief and value to make themselves seem "intelligent". And I know I should forgive, and I will someday, but right now I can't forget.

I can't even think of anything else to write. I thought posting this would make it better. It hasn't.

And in this world there's real and make believe.

This seems real to me.

Aha, I'm listening to "Let Me Go" by 3 Doors Down (haven't listened to this song in forever) and I didn't have a title for this entry, so there you go... lyrics from the song.

I'm still really stoked about getting my camera. And I figured that since I was really into photography and I didn't really have anything to say today I'd post a few pictures that I've taken (:

I'm so excited, and I just can't hide it!

My dad called me this morning to ask me what SLR camera I wanted. I told him I wanted the Canon Rebel XS 10.1 megapixels. And he told me if I put my money toward it he'd pay for the rest! Right now I have $300, but I want to wait until after my birthday to get it because I know I'll get more money and my birthday is at the end of March anyway, so it's not too far away. I can wait until then!

Ahhhh! I'm finally going to get my camera! I'm really excited.

He also said that if it happens to go on sale before my birthday (which I really don't think it will) he'd pick it up for me and I can just pay him back (:

And then also with the money I get for my birthday I will get a decent photoshop because as much as I love Picasa and Picnik, they just aren't doing it for me anymore.

15 Movies I Watch Over and Over

1. The Little Mermaid (1989)

I can quote this movie word for word. It is my favorite disney movie ever and when I was little I secretly hoped that when I was older I could be turned into a mermaid. Aha!

2. I Love You, Man (2009)
This movie is completely hilarious and I love it! It's genuine humor with a full plot. Most movies nowadays don't have a complete plot and are just kind of there, but this movie has humor and a plot! (: This is mine and my bestfriend's movie. We watch it all the time. It's awesome!

3. Toy Story (1995)

Honestly, this movie is great. That's really all I can say. It was the first movie completely desgined by computer and it was casted beautifully! And after this movie came out, I used to watch my room after I "left" to see if my toys came to life. They never did.

4. The Count of Monte Cristo (2002)

I read the play in sixth grade and when I found out there was a movie I freaked out. I love this time era and sword fights! Not to mention Jim Caviezel is amazing! Seriously though, man is jealous of best friend and frames him. Best friend gets sent to prison, comes back for his girl and revenge. Great movie.

5. Love Actually (2003)

I love the fact that someone could write about eight different couples all of which coincide with one another. And all of them are romantic stories. There's meant-to-be stories, old-love stories, love-at-first-sight stories, and the classic I-think-you're-annoying-but-I'll-learn-to-love-you stories. Throw in British humor and an alcoholic rock star and it's a hit!

6. Armageddon (1998)

There are no words to describe how much I love this movie. The unlikely heroes saving the world? This movie has action, romance, comedy, and the father-daughter relationship all rolled into one. I cry every. single. time.

7. Big Fish (2003)

I'm not very big on Tim Burton films, but I love this one. I think it's because I have a massive crush on Ewan McGregor. (Can't help it.) I like the humor and how all of the stories are true, just exaggerated, like a "big fish" story. (:

8. Braveheart (1995)

I like war movies, okay? I don't mind the bloody scenes. I just like how it's a love story within a war movie. Not to mention the Irish guy completely cracks me up.

9. Troy (2004)

Again, I love war movies. And no I don't love this movie because Orlando Bloom and Brad Pitt are in this, I don't even like them. I did first see Eric Bana in this movie and fell in love with him though. Aha. But I've always like ancient Greece and though I've never read The Illiad I do love this movie.

10. Final Destination (2000)

I know it's not technically a "scary" movie, but I classify it as such, and it's the only "scary" movie I'm not afraid of. I like how this movie tricks my mind and I think someone will die one way, but it's different altogether.

11. The Family Stone (2005)

This movie makes me laugh and cry. It was casted wonderfully and I think Luke Wilson's character is my favorite. This family reminds me of my own, not in the sense that we hate everyone but in the sense that they tease and make fun, yet still manage to tell each other or show each other they love them.

12. Rumor Has It (2005)

I've never seen The Graduate but I've heard about it. And this movie is really hilarious and Shirley MacLaine is so funny!

13. The Wedding Singer (1998)

Adam. Sandler. Nuff said.

14. Forrest Gump (1994)

I LOVE THIS MOVIE!!!! I haven't met anyone who's seen this movie and doesn't like it. It's just a GOOD movie. Man is not the brightest blub in the box and yet follows his heart, saves a man's life, keeps a promise, and lives a good life. Humor and a touching story.

15. National Treasure (2004)

I love Justin Bartha (Riley). He's comical. Also, I'm kind of a history nut so this is perfect. Not to mention, the Revolutionary War Era is my favorite in US History. I have to stop myself from believing this is real because all of the history parts in this movie are so accurate.

I don't mind writing two or three entries a day.

It's a stress reliever, right?

I love winter mornings on campus. Campus is covered by a thick layer of snow and I slowly walk back to my dorm from my 8 am Anthropology class, a hot cup of coffee in my hand, inhaling the cold air and exhaling my visible breath.

Today, as I walk back to my room, I am awestruck thinking about a God who makes such beautiful... art. That's the only way I can describe what I see outside; art.

I love the snow and winter in general. I love the smell of snow before it falls; the anticipation I get when I know it's coming. I like staying up all night to watch the first flakes fall. I love waking up to find the snow covering the ground, untouched, pure. I like building snowmen and making snow angels. I like initiating a snowball fight and then running for dear life when someone attacks me with them.

This weekend, more snow is expected to arrive, and when it does all is right with the world; or my world at least.

Are you who you wanna be?

As I sit here in bed, lightly tapping the keys on my computer so I do not disturb my sleeping roommate, I reflect on the past few days:

Here I am given three days of delayed/cancelled classes and I've used none of that time for anything more productive than sleeping.

And now I can't sleep.

I am overwhelmed, stressed, confused, tired, and have a lot on my plate. Nighttime is not a good time for me because it's when I dwell on things that I've neglected to think about during the day. I have dramatic mood swings that only happen to teenage girls going through puberty and pregnant women, neither of which I am.

I feel blinded because I can't see my future. That might sound strange. I don't like not knowing what's going to happen next; the uncertainty leaves me feeling weak. I don't like that feeling.. at all.

I want to spill my heart and soul out to someone. And there are people I know I can confide in, but my mouth cannot form the words. So I confide in God. And every fiber of my being knows that he has everything under control, but still, a part of me longs for just a glimpse of the horizon ahead of me.

It's 11:11. Make a wish.

Actually, I don't wish on 11:11. I don't know why. One day I just woke up and said, "I'm not going to wish on a time anymore." Call me cynical or pessimistic, I don't care.

It's just really weird because the last few weeks it seems like every time I look up at the clock it's either 11:11am or 11:11pm. I don't understand.

When I "want" sometimes I pray about it. Well, that's a fabrication. I don't pray like I should, but I am trying harder than ever. What I do is more like "talk" to God.

What I call "praying" or "talking" to God isn't like a formal prayer... "Dear God, I blah blah blah blah blah... Amen". It's more like a "Please blah blah blah, thanks".

But anyway, I figured I'd do a list of things... Just things like Lindsey's Rantings. She does the Monday 13 where she lists 13 things she likes/dislikes/does when she's mad/listens to in the car/etc. So I'm going to do a list, but I'm not devoting a day or a number to the list because I'm not consistant.

10 Things About Me:

1. I believe in a God that answers prayer and performs miracles.

2. I procrastinate... a lot.

3. I still love children's books. My favorite book is The Christmas Blizzard. It's a kid's book.

4. I like to act, direct, and edit films. It's my dream to pursue a career in the filmmaking business, but if it doesn't work out I'll be a teacher.

5. I am most comfortable talking about myself. I'm not conceited; far from it. But what subject do you know more about than your own self?

6. I sing. ALL. THE. TIME.

7. I don't fear heights. I fear falling and pain in general.

8. Besides my bestfriend Gen, my mom is my best friend.

9. My dream car is a 1963 Mercury Comet. (:

10. I'm usually outgoing and optimistic. (Usually being the key word.)

I'm Walking On Sunshine

Well, not really, but that would be awesome.

One reason is because of the snow, and the other shall remain nameless.... okay it's because of a boy. A boy with an amzing smile.. scratch that, a KILLER smile. (: Whenever I see him I always try to do something so I can see that smile. But I won't get into that now because this boy is just a boy who has no signifigance in my life whatsoever other than to grace me with his presence and smile.

I had a good day, a genuinely good day. Because of the glorious snow classes were postponed to eleven, which meant that my eight am class was cancelled! (:

And then I spent the day being lazy and such and it was wonderful.

And then we had Praise and Worship practice for BCM and it was glorious! We're singing Open the Eyes of My Heart, Better Is One Day, Amazing Love, and Give Us Clean Hands.. so those of you who read the blog will know before the others (privilege!!!!) Aha.

I am looking forward to tomorrow a great deal because I won't have any classes! Yay for me. I have an eight, nine, ten, and two o'clock class. And classes are delayed until eleven, so those first three aren't happening. And then my two o'clock class is most likely be cancelled because my professor lives in the country and I just have a strong feeling she won't come tomorrow. (: This makes me happy.

Another lazy day for Lindsey. It's glorious!!!

Anywho, I am now going to lose myself in the wonderful world of Danny and Michelle Santos by watching Guiding Light on YouTube (THANK YOU JORDAN!!!) Ahaha.

Always Look On The Bright Side of Life

*Title is from Monthy Python and the Holy Grail. My roommate is watching a clip from it and as soon as it came on I started singing the song. (:

For a while I've been fiddling with the idea of changing my major (for the second time). I started out as English, and then switched to Liberal Studies because I realized that I didn't want to teach high school, but rather elementary school. And now I'm thinking about changing my major to Theatre because I have wanted to be a movie director since I was in middle school and I don't why, but for some reason I told myself I couldn't do it (which isn't very optimistic). But I figured if I do a major in Theatre with a concentration in education which is PK - 12 (Tell me, does that mean I can be just a regular fifth grade teacher? Or not? I don't know) then I could be a theatre teacher until I break into the biz. I talked to Jordan about it and she said she thought I'd really like being a theatre teacher. And a while ago I was talking to my aunt who told me that I shouldn't be a teacher I should be a director. She was like "Your imagination and talent needs to be used for directing, not teaching."

I don't know, it just seems like the people who know me really well tell me to be a director rather than a teacher, so I'm taking their advice. (:

Now I am going to enjoy a wonderfully hot cup of coffee on this cold morning... well, afternoon. But I woke up at 12:45 (that's going to ruin my sleeping schedule) so to me it's the morning.

Be thankful for the day, all.