Are you who you wanna be?

As I sit here in bed, lightly tapping the keys on my computer so I do not disturb my sleeping roommate, I reflect on the past few days:

Here I am given three days of delayed/cancelled classes and I've used none of that time for anything more productive than sleeping.

And now I can't sleep.

I am overwhelmed, stressed, confused, tired, and have a lot on my plate. Nighttime is not a good time for me because it's when I dwell on things that I've neglected to think about during the day. I have dramatic mood swings that only happen to teenage girls going through puberty and pregnant women, neither of which I am.

I feel blinded because I can't see my future. That might sound strange. I don't like not knowing what's going to happen next; the uncertainty leaves me feeling weak. I don't like that feeling.. at all.

I want to spill my heart and soul out to someone. And there are people I know I can confide in, but my mouth cannot form the words. So I confide in God. And every fiber of my being knows that he has everything under control, but still, a part of me longs for just a glimpse of the horizon ahead of me.